the journey of a thousand miles begins with one plastic penis

act I:

it's like i always say- you haven't lived until you've traveled 1,000 miles witha suitcase full of plastic penises (peni?). after the orgy of yuppiness at ann taylor, i packed up little garden party dresses, strappy sandals, and collection of trashy bachelorette party materials and flew home for a weekend of polite bridal showers... and plastic penises (peni?).
i stood in line at the airport sweating bullets, wondering if i'd have the misfortune of getting pulled out of the security line to have the good people from the TSA discover my carry-on filled to the brim with scandaolous lingerie and adult party games (pin the macho on the man, anyone?).
i thought i'd made a clean getaway until the email came from my father. "it was good seeing you this weekend. your mother and i are constantly reminded of how proud we are of your accomplishments... even if i did find a penis water pistol in my trunk."
doh!

act 2:
now i've put the penises (peni?) behind me and moved on to more sophisticated endeavors...
march madness. as i obsessed over my bracket (after all, i've got a whole $3 invested) all day yesterday, i was reminded of a few fundamental truths:
#1) anything can become a crack-like addiction if you let it. i really couldn't care less about college basketball until i entered the pool... but i spent yesterday glued to various bar stools, starring in zombie-like fashion at the big screen TV's, pondering deep, meaningful questions like "where is old dominion anyway?" i'm totally hooked.
#2) it's all about the simple pleasures. sure i may work ungodly numbers of hours and have a dismally poor romantic prognosis, but damn it, i found the free pizza in wicker park and watched my brother eat half of a fried chicken surrounded my martini sipping yuppies.

at the end of the day, i think i'm managing to get a little wiser...
always check to make sure your plastic penises (peni?) are properly stowed for take-off and landing.
if the bride's medical career doesn't ever take off she can always be a porn star (she's got the wardrobe).
bars are more fun if you go there for a specific reason: pizza, basketball, chicken. oh yeah, and beer.