don't buy me some peanuts or cracker jacks, because they'll get stuck in my teeth

my apologies to all real baseball fans out there. but last night my blogmate and i scored free tickets along with two co-workers to watch the cubs play the cincinnati reds at wrigley field in what will be the most amazing seats i will ever see in my lifetime: 6th row behind home plate. and how did we celebrate the occasion? old style in plastic cups and the most intelligent baseball discourse i'm sure home plate has ever heard:

"sooo... three strikes and you're out... and then three outs until the next team is up... and then when both teams are done, that's an inning, right?"
"wait, which one's derrek lee?"
"aaawwww.... oh, wait, that was a good thing! yay!"
"hold on; i'm trying to see if derrek lee is cute. i can't see his face..."
"no, it's not his face that's cute..."
"does anyone think it's weird that they all wear white uniforms when they slide in the dirt?"
"does anyone think their uniforms look like pajamas?"
"does anyone know if the uniforms are a shirt and pants or all one piece?"
"hey, you said you didn't care about baseball! you're totally watching."
"how can i tell if it's a ball or a strike?"
"how can i tell who's winning?"
"i'm glad we're behind the net. i'm afraid of fly balls."
"did you know garciaparra is married to mia hamm?"
"girl, i know that part!"
"twinset saw them together at bijam...."
"do you think mia hamm is here?"
"quick! has anyone seen any celebrities? it's my dream to watch baseball next to john cusack."