aud lang syne

perhaps new year's resolutions are not the product of insightful reflection, so much as they result from the new year's day hangover and the self-loathing that accompanies it. ugly, tired, nauseated- of course we feel compelled to change our lives.

at 8AM i found myself wide awake and feeling suspiciously fine - i seized the moment, hopped out of bed, cleaned up and did the (many, many) dishes (that's what i get for deciding i was classy enough to serve drinks out of real glassware). i finished just as the insidious feeling of impending misery was setting in, and had myself curled up under a blanket on the couch with club soda, leftover spinach and artichoke dip, and the PBS brittish mystery drama marathon just in time. hours later i woke up to that all-too-familiar searing pain behind my right eye. let's be honest- there was no way i was getting away with five dirty gin martinis without feeling this way.

given how muddled i felt, i'm surprised i managed to draw any meaningful conclusions about anything today, but i did finally understand that day-after bloody marys aren't actually a hangover remedy, so much as they are a gesture of resilience. as good as i mixed them this year, it's not about how they taste- it's about how cool they make us feel.

i also found time (and consciousness) to find more fault with yahoo avatars. there are no dark circles under the eyes, no trashed apartments, no disheveled hair and rumpled clothes. i understand that it's weird that my avatar is always crying - i'm not really that despondent of a person. but it's the closest i can get to the way i'm actually feeling, which is just plain wretched.