all's fair in love and war

or is it?

being single isn't without its advantages. life is simple, unhindered by the complex negotiations of cohabitation, and as the token single girl among your circle of friends, your stories make for the best bar talk. no more of those disapproving looks you used to get when you do something slutty - now it's the collective gaze of admiration to the tune of "your life is so much more exciting than mine" (or at least that's what i think would happen if i ever actually did anything slutty). but really, being the last boy-less girl standing means your personal life is actually interesting to your friends... and if it's not they'll find ways to liven things up.

it's not that i don't appreciate the help. clearly i need it. but, my friends, colleagues, and potentials, lets set some ground rules. i 'm sure i speak for girls unspoken for everywhere...

before setting us up with "oh my god he would be perfect for you" guy, try to confirm that he's actually single. we may be tough, but nobody really needs, "i'm sure you're nice but i'm seeing someone." unhelpful, really.

and ladies, a little coaching of "he's totally cute, i really think you'd like him" guy goes a long way, especially if he thinks the right way to make contact is to make us the 145th person on the evite to the $140 rooftop cubs party. it might be blind, but it should still be a date.

and maybe all you're looking for is a nice jewish girl, but a little finesse never hurt anyone. j-date exists for a reason, people. one of those reasons is to obviate the need for unwelcome messages in our myspace mailboxes to the tune of, "hello, i see you are jewish, we should hang out." i suppose that might work for displaced members of very small, homogeneous minority groups ("hello, i see that you are a basque revolutionary and that you enjoy playing raquetball. i too am a basque revolutionary and i am looking for a raquetball partner!"), but especially when everything about us is neatly laid out on our website you might work on finding a better in.

more credit goes out to nm, who managed to remain tactful and discreet as she did my stalking for me, and even laid out a perfectly conceived drinking and flirting opportunity at my feet. i couldn't take her up on it, mostly because i would have had a hard time explaining to my good blogmate that i couldn't rearrange my schedule to go to her wedding shower, but that i could reschedule to chase a boy around ukrainian village. as it is she's being an awfully good sport about my non-commitment to fried ravioli and plastic-cup chianti in little italy this sunday (until i know what's happening with aforementioned boy-chasing).

if you've got a main squeeze hold on tight folks, you don't want to know how the other half lives.