now that i've returned to my baseline, non-bridesmaid state (i.e. eagerly awaiting the next episode of gilmore girls and watching basketball over PBR) i've got time to extensively ponder my bridesmaid behavior and have come to some unsettling conclusions.
i started to ask myself why the rather cute friend of the groom (rcfog) with whom i spent the better part of an evening engaged in flirty banter wasn't willing to aknowledge said flirty banter. but now that i'm back to my usual state of relative clarity, it's all too clear- or rather, the possibilities are endless:
could it be that i spent the better part of the previous evening engaged in flirty banter with the punk rock groomsman (prgm) IN FRONT of rcfog (and yes, i know he noticed on account of he called me out on it later)? or maybe it was the fact that there were scheduled make-out sessions with not one, but two gay friends of the groom (gfog#1 and gfog#2)- for the record they both said i was a good kisser but who knows what that means? it could also have something to do with my kicking off the conversation with rcfog with a pretty self-incriminating story about the groom busting me doing something that would (to an outsider) make me appear considerably more sketchy than i actually am (i had to tell rcfog something- he wanted dirt on the bachelorette party and i didn't want to cough it up).
whatever the reason that rcfog didn't immediately (or in the face of my amazing persistence) succomb to my adorable charm, i'm sure that i might be in more favorable standing had i not hit the bottle quite so hard. it's hard to know when alcohol switches from social lubricant to enough rope to hang yourself.
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Hi rcfob (rather cute friend of bride), this is the rcfog, how's life?
I'm flattered you think I am cute...actually, I'm not 100% sure. I was feeling pretty good until I thought about the word *rather*...when I say rather do I mean "very" or "somewhat"? I'm pretty sure when I hear a lot of people say "rather" they mean "very," but the ultimate authority (dictionary.com) laid some serious smackdown on me and my ego earlier today (definition:"somewhat"). But who cares what a dictionary says, I may just go on using my own definition. Of course there's no telling which way *you* were using the word. I'll just say I'm rather pleased at being called rather cute and that way I've got all the meanings covered.
Are you wondering how I got here? I might be a better stalker than you-- I'm a pretty good stalker myself, ya know. Or it might be you wrote the URL of your blog on the back of your business card. Or you could have remembered giving me the URL and then wrote about me knowing I would read it, in which case I deem this blog truly filterless.
Anyway on to the endless possibilities. There are two other things that were the real reasons nothing but a little flirty banter was going to happen: 1) rcfob lives in Chicago 2) rcfog has been dating someone a couple of months, and while rcfog is far from engaged, anything more than flirty banter would be crossing a line in rcfog's estimation. In fact, the flirty banter would probably be out of line at a bus stop or library, too, but the general mood of the wedding party, what with the kissing of the gfogs and the friendly but excessive touching by everyone involved in the wedding party, it all felt cute and fun and harmless. In fact, prior actions of rcfob with prgm was what made flirty banter more permissible, since it was more like we were all just kicking back and having a good time (excluding maybe prgm, who was probably trying to get somewhere). Another example of just having a good time is gwcbwdbsbhhwtt (girl who could barely walk down bourbon street because her heels were too tall), who referred to taking off her shoes as "orgasmic"; I'm still looking for that shoe store.
But anyway I had a great time with you, and I totally agree that I can't take another open bar...this weekend just about killed me. Seriously, I haven't party that hard since undergrad, maybe ever.
So no need to worry about how much you drank. You were par for the crowd...my own rule on it is to never be a lot more drunk than everyone or a lot more sober either, unless I'm driving. Then I'm WAY more drunk (j/k). Oh, and the phone number: that was mine, written on your hand by gwcbwdbsbhhwtt. We were all supposed to hang out the next day, but no big deal. And I'm looking forward to reading your blog-- unless, of course, you don't want me to read it-- being a fellow stalker myself, it's always refreshing to see good female stalking stories.
Cheers,
rcfog
p.s. I am now officially owed more dirt on the bachelorette party, llpof (liar liar pants on fire).
one last thing: if you've been blogging long enough you may have unsavory stalkers (not good stalkers like us), so don't be taken in by just anyone posting as rcfog :).
*insert stern but laughing face here*
young sir:
-first of all, i would like to demand some stalking credit here, since a) your stalking involved typing the address provided to you by rcfob (yes, we are that filterless), and b) there are two of us involved in the exploits described here and while rcfob has been known to lust over the occasional clown, hlaib (her loyal and indignant blogmate) does the more platonic but more active stalking (see any mycological reference)
- as not only hlaib but hlbwllvthfe (her loyal blogmate who loves living vicariously through her friend's exploits), i have to tell you i am giddy with delight at being able to not just hear my friend's side of the story, but to get to be involved in an actual direct exchange on my own blog. especially since it's rather funny which is even better!
- in real life, most girls find it rather refreshing when men are direct about their intentions. your girlfriend is lucky. that being said, i am personally a little disappointed... i just heard this story less than 24 hours ago, and was perfectly happy imagining all sorts of other possibilities besides your taken-ness: 3) incurable disease 4) about to be shipped to some third world country to be a technology consultant for the military 5) blogmate was actually more drunk than she thought and the flirty banter never actually happened 6) you were actually more drunk than i thought from the story and didn't appreciate my blogmate's own rather-cute-ness 7) eunuch 8) more interested in finding the orgasmic shoe store. but i guess my excitement at having such fun blog commentary overrides my deflation at getting a direct answer from a man the one time i didn't want one. :)
interesting that rcfog fixated on the "rather," as i was really only using it for aesthetic purposes. for both literary and social reasons i thought that "cute" needed some kind of a modifier (had a nice effect on the flow of the paragraph and rhythm of the acronym, plus it eased the blow of calling someone cute to his face). in retrospect i can see that there's cause for confusion, though i think i've got it figured out. while the literal meaning of "rather" is clearly "somewhat," i tend to use the word rather as some kind of reverse hyperbole- i'm sure there's a literary term for it that's escaping me. so i say "a little," by which i mean "a lot." in any case, the fact that rcfog took issue with "rather cute" leads me to suspect that he gets a whole lot more compliments than i do- if someone threw that sort of comment my way i'd take it and run.
i suspect that i was taking a bit of a gamble putting up an entry like that knowing full well that i'd given rcfog the blog address, but 1) what with all the booze involved i really wasn't sure that i'd actually written it down correctly and 2) i didn't really think he'd look for it. that or i'm just an instigator.
*snapping fingers in front of face* oohh daaamn, girl yous a instigata.
(may I curse on this blog? Is this a family-oriented blog?)
I take issue with the fact that you think I was taking issue with "rather" :). Really, I was just suprised I didn't know what the word meant...I think everyone uses as you were using it nowadays. And I usually take compliments and run, run like Napoleon Dynamite. Being a programmer, I am thankful for the days when I remember to take a shower and don't drool in front of anyone.
And, uh, I hate to be the rookie here, but is there any way to tell who's posting what on this thing? I mean, us humble readers can usually figure it out from the context clues but its not always easy...
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