road trip muse

i'm so excited! this afternoon i am headed for the good state of louisiana with my blogmate (mb; wait, no, we established that was wrong...). i can't wait to see her hometown of new orleans. apparently we are also heading to the beautiful city of ponchatoula (is that right?). i think the itinerary consists of eating, drinking, live music, eating, drinking, ponchatoula, and maybe if i'm lucky getting to meet some of the people who i've never met that visit our humble blog.

this brings up the issue of reciprocation. i feel like i should offer some similar road trip to visit my hometown. but i just got back from a few days in northern wisconsin, which confirmed my belief that this would be an uneven trade. ah, the northwoods... the farther north you go, the more ridiculous it gets. really, after the jellybelly factory just across the il-wi border and house of cheese in kenosha (where weezer once played) it all goes downhill. adult video store billboards (three of them are all named "superb adult video") flank right-to-life signs announcing that 40 million babies will never pay social security and that fetuses smile at 12 weeks. (apparently truth in advertising doesn't apply in wisconsin. i suppose "tacky adult video" isn't as catchy, and the social security argument is a little weirdly utilitarian or something, but i am reasonably sure that a fetus doesn't smile. i don't know much about embryology, but i looked it up online and at 12 weeks the muscles have just learned how to respond to the brain, so the little fetus can sort of twitch. anyway.) cultural attractions include an art gallery advertising chicken for sale; "proud american" and "support our troops" car decals are offset by mudflaps on teal mercury tracers reading "nasty," and there's a sign welcoming travellers by announcing that this is "as far north as you need to go." too bad that sign was 25 miles south of home.

one of my friend's younger sisters just graduated from college in d.c. and refers to her time back at home as "soul sucking." so what do i have to show off? there's always the road trip to appleton so my good blogmate can see the harry houdini museum she finds so fascinating, the $1 beers at korth's bar, the string of phallic-esque names on main street (pensis chiropractic, bump's bar, photography by the wackers). we could stop at the gas station at mills fleet farm (think farm implement store meets walmart) and get the free popcorn that comes with tanks of gas, trying hard not to be weirded out by the long-haired flannel-wearing-in-summer leering men who seem to just sit in the corner. of course we would commemorate her stay with one of the many charming fleet farm t-shirts like "i am woman / i shop fleet farm" or "if they don't sell it at mills fleet farm, i don't want it."

i know there are wisconsin people who read this blog. help a girl out; what's exciting about our little town? i feel like we have to step up the commentary, on account of the southern contingent is kicking our collective butt. i was also thinking, given the current pattern of people starting to finally comment on the blog once we've started writing about them, that it's time to start a jerry-lewis-telethon-like introduction to our readership. you've met mb, rcfog, tb, dwtacc, twinset, mr. honesty. (does anyone else think mr. honesty sounds a little like a porn name?) butterknife, you're coming up. you know who you are.