play on mr. wendell

as i embark on my quarter-life crisis, i've been trying to broaden my musical horizons a bit and have made the unfortunate mistake of starting to pay attention to the words. i should have stuck to blindly singing along without giving any thought to what i was actually saying because now i'm really annoyed.

i think it's time to talk about the many ways in which song lyrics can suck.

#1. singing about prostitution or homelessnes- especially when the misguided rocker is so presumptuous as sing from down-and-out's point of view- or when using the predicament of prostitution or homelessness as a metaphor for how hard life is. countless examples... modern- the corrs, older phil collins.

#2. no one understands what it's like to be famous- i'm sure i don't know what it's like to brittany spears, but i'd like to keep it that way thankyouverymuch. and besides, no sympathy.

#3. wrist slitting sadness- these are tricky, as the songs actually tend to be kind of good as long as they're not too goth. but listen to dido long enough and you want to jump off a bridge a little bit.

#4. cryptic and weird- the most frequent offense among singers i actually like. it's good music, but what the hell is dave matthews talking about? sarah mclaughlin, natalie merchant... barenaked ladies, bjork- they all do it. it's easier if you just give up and stop trying. you'll never know what postcards from chimpanzees sympbolize.

#5. blingbling- i'll actually take a good amount of girl shake that thang before i start to burn out. and there's really something pretty funny about a lady on the street and freak in da bed. at least it's not pretentious. JZ can sing about his love soliders all he wants. same with boy bands. everybody rock your body, man.

#6. creepy fairy world- a category reserved exclusively for tori amos.

#7. and finally, the lowest of the low, SELF INDULGENT AND ANGSTY. my personal contemporary favorites are "you don't know what it's like to be me," and "did you really think that i was gonna give it up to you?" i'm mean really, "did you think that that was something i was gonna doooooo?" all these 20-something garage bands that sing about not knowing who they are and not getting along with their parents and just wanting to be themselves. i can't take anymore.