sultry chromium devil

i'm the first to admit that i don't exactly have my finger on the pulse of mainstream american culture, but even if i did, the following phenomena would continue to baffle me:

1) buffalo wings. i don't understand. they're tiny, slimy chicken parts slathered in more slime except now it's sweet slime fueled by red dye #8 and some kind of chemically extracted BBQ flavor. they come in basket with slimy, stinky french cheese and, just for fun, celery. i can't for the life of me understand the zeal with which people (some of whom i respect very much- like my blogmate and my brother) eat such nastiness.

2) american girl place. for those of you fortunate enough to have missed this insanity, let me describe it briefly. massive 3-story establishment of department store proportions dedicated exclusively to the selling of very creepy and VERY expensive dolls that can bought to look just like the children of the purchasers (along with a dizzying array of accoutrements). the whole thing is some kind of shrine to itself. they have their own restaurant where the dolls can be seated at the table next to their weird twin owners. the dolls can then be taken to the doll salon where grownups pay other grownups to coiffe the dolls with trendy up-dos. it seems like every tourist family strolling down michigan avenue is armed with multiple american girl place bags in hand (tourists flocking to the michigan avenue gap like it's somehow different from the sheboygan gap is another topic all together). people actually stand in long lines just for the priviledge of entering the store.

3) people waiting in line at the gym to use the newest, fanciest treadmills when there are numerous, slightly less shiny but nonetheless fully functional treadmills available. add all the display features and calorie counting that you want. running in place on a revolving mat is the same activity no matter how many gizmos adorn the apparatus. i'm sure that the same number of calories are burned, and i'm also sure that a) you're just as likely to trip and fall, and 2) running in place indoors in the meat market gym is just as sucky.

and finally... 4) giving shoes proper names. it's very entertaining to look at the names that shoe companies give the various styles. i think that "black mid-calf boot #71632" would suffice. instead you wind up with NWbrayden, or, my favorite: sultry chromium devil.